About 3 years ago I was an Associate Director of Administration at an art complex near Wynwood Miami.
With this title came a great deal of responsibility, and it was the very reason why I started having anxiety attacks.
At that time, I felt that a steady meditation practice would surely cure my anxiety.
So I started meditating…everywhere, at all times.
I began meditating every single morning, then again right before leaving my house to go to work.
At work I would take bathroom breaks that were secretly “meditation breaks.”
I would meditate right before an important meeting and before presentations and tours.
I used any excuse to close my eyes, shut myself off from reality, and cozy up into my inner world where I felt safe and comfort.
My inner world became my escape from reality. I guess you can say my drug of choice was meditation.
All that meditation was good for me during this time because I was experiencing a critical moment in my physical reality, and I had to seriously do a lot of inner work.
The problem I began to have was when I began wishing for change.
I knew that I wanted to be a full time artist, to start my own business, be my own boss.
That idea created a lot of stress for me because I wasn’t sure how I was going to make that a reality, given the facts of my current situation.
My dream life felt SO DISTANT, like there was a huge gap from where I was to where I wanted to be.
As a student of the law of attraction, I knew the steps required to manifesting anything in life. I knew that in order to manifest, you have to feel that you already have it.
The problem was that I felt negative emotion with the dream life I was after.
I thought that more meditation meant I was closer to making my dreams come true. So during my practice, I began to think about what I wanted.
I started asking the universe for help, to make it happen faster…I felt desperate.
Thinking about what I wanted only made things worse for me because when I opened my eyes, my situation was still the same.
Meditation went from feeling like my favorite drug to feeling like I overdosed.
It wasn’t long after this cycle of mixed emotions was finally cleared up for me.
My desires switched from wanting something physical to wanting a feeling of relief.
I began to listen to the Teachings of Abraham on YouTube. Video after video I learned SO MUCH about the process of manifesting and the true reason why we should meditate.
I put it all into practice, and with time I was able to better balance my emotions. I learned that what people truly want in life is a feeling, an emotion.
As Abraham puts it, the things you want in life is because you think you will feel better when you have them.
The lesson I learned was this:
Don’t meditate to make something happen.
Meditation and visualization are 2 things that should be done separately.
Meditation is meant to give you relief, to let go of resistance.
I’m not saying you can’t think about the things you want…just do it if it feels good. If you have mixed feelings about your desires, don’t force yourself to try and solve it during meditation.
Today, I work as a full time artist in my home studio, I started my own business, I know how to balance my mind, body and heart, and more importantly I am able to teach others about what my practice has taught me.
The journey to enlightenment is different for everyone. No matter what stage you’re in, allow your emotions to guide you.
We are all at different stages in our personal evolution, and I’m happy to be able to share my experience so that it can help you in your journey.
I’d love to hear from you!
Have you come across a bump in the road with your meditation practice? If so, please share in the comments below.
Also, feel free to share this with someone who might also be struggling with their practice.
Sending you love from my heart to yours,
💋 Mari Medina